Goodbye 2017. You've been horrible.

It is safe to say that I am thrilled to be leaving 2017 behind.

In Janurary I started with high hopes and a lot of positive thoughts.  My family was struggling dealing with both my grandmother and brother's health.  We planned our first trip to Disney for all of us in March.  Financially, we were okay.  I struggled with my anxiety as always but I was doing better.

In February, my grandmother passed away.  It wasn't a shock but it hurt none the less.  She was my last surviving grandparent and really the only one I had growing up.  The family drama ensued afterwards but quickly fell off.

We had our trip to Disney in March.  It was just as magical as everyone says.  Seeing it through the eyes of my kids was amazing but truly I was right there with them.  My husband was clueless to a lot of the characters outside of the original.  I schooled him on the drive down on the princesses.  On the day we left Disney, everyone came down the the stomach flu.  It was an agonizing drive home for all of us but I have never been more happy to home ever!

The summer drew in excitement for my son getting ready for kindergarten and momma accepting that her little boy was starting school.    My brother's fight with cancer took many turns up and down.  He was having good days and bad days.

August and September were the worst.  We were visiting the hospital just about once every week and with my son being in school around so many germs, we weren't able to go sometimes.  October was about the same but I remember getting a phone call one day from him.  He was so excited that he was able to walk out to the car and he got to spend a day out.   He was able to go into our local diner to eat.  It was the first time in a long time that he was purely happy and he felt good.

It was downhill from there.  The second worst phone call I ever received was on October 5.  I don't remember the drive from work to get my dad and nieces.  The day and night at the hospital is a blur.  I came home to get the kids and get my son off to school with plans of going straight back to the hospital.  I didn't make it.  The worst phone call ever was telling me that my brother was gone.

There are no words, nothing.  It broke me. I know now that you never heal from losing someone like that.  There is a part of you that is missing that nothing can fill.  I was angry at first.  He left two beautiful girls and a loving wife.  My mother who depended greatly upon him.  It wasn't fair, isn't fair.  I still hold that anger but now I am just more broken.  I miss him.  I missed all the phone calls just trying to find something to piss me off.  The call the week before Christmas asking me what he needed to get our mom.

The rest of the year was non existent.  I struggled to keep up.  The holidays weren't the same.  Financial issues that we thought were solved came back.  It was and still is a mess.

Overall, I am not in a good place.  My books are still my escape but I find that I can't always focus and that hurts my stats in reviews.  I can promote, though.

So this year...
Let's heal.
Lets find some romance in the pages.

End Rant for the year.

Thank you for sticking with me.  🖤